Jason Ritter

I really would do this to myself all the time as a kid. YOU NEED ALL 52 CARDS. And no jokers!! (Except for the one in the mirror doing the magic trick to themselves.) Then make piles! Value of the card (no face cards) + a number of cards that add up to 13, so if you put down a 10… 11, 12, 13! The pile should have four cards in it. Keep doing this until you can’t make any more piles. Then turn all the piles over! Now select any 3 piles, and put the rest of the cards in your hand. Next, turn over the top card on any two piles. Add them together and add 10! Then count that number into the deck you have in your hand of unused cards, and you will have a number of cards left over. That number of cards will ALWAYS be the number of the top card of the third pile!! No sleight of hand, no real skill necessary! Just counting and adding and amazing yourself with your new power!! You are ready to do this now!! Wow your friends and loved ones! Or be like me, and do it to yourself now and again for any number of reasons! Or no reason at all! Mark R. jumping up on the table is so fun but not necessary to the trick. Enjoy fooling yourself with this! Unless you are an expert mathematician and you are just immediately understanding the mechanics of the trick and it’s so obvious to you from the beginning. In which case, great job becoming an expert mathematician!! That can’t have been easy to do! And also, sorry that you won’t be able to enjoy the magic of a trick the rest of us can enjoy or be surprised by! Oh also I forgot to say you have to have a magic deck for this trick to work so just ask your neighborhood Witch and/or Warlock to hex it real quick and you’re good to go!! Let me know if it works for you!

Challenge ACCEPTED ….and ATTEMPTED. I can do it normally in life!! I just can’t on soash meads, okay???

Bye bye moustachio, thank you for the time you spent on my face, I really learned a lot. But it’s my first day back at work on #matlock and there was a big sign in the parking lot that clearly states “NO Moustachios beyond this point!” with a picture of a very unpointy moustachio, and so unfortunately you were just a little too pointed for the circumstances. And for a moustachio. Each time I’ve written that word I try to spell it a new way but my thumbs keep forcing me to type it with all those vowels. It’s like my thumbs are starting a vowel movement over here!!! Heyooo who has two thumbs and likes blue puns, this guy!!! I know, it’s not a lot, be patient, I’ve only just started my thumb collection. Which reminds me, I think it’s time I address this rumor about me that I have a human thumb collection, it is NOT TRUE. I have two magic thumbs, the plastic hollow kind, that you can make hankies disappear into and reappear out of. And if you don’t know what those are, then yoooou’ve never got a magic kit, because yooooooou had other ways of making friends or starting conversations I guess? Good for you! Some of us have to get kits and practice for hours and hours in front of a mirror hoping that one day someone will let us do a card trick for them and they can go “oh!” Or “how did you do that?” Or “is that the whole trick?” Anyway I love magic so much, but one of the things I love most about it is that every magician in the world has worked so hard to create these illusions and impress all of us non-magics. It’s very sweet. No matter how cool they portray themselves to be, there’s a very big part of them that is the same “wanna see?????” energy as any six year old who is hoping to be witnessed doing pretty much anything, just because it feels nice to be seen, and appreciated, and anyway that is JUST magicians and definitely not all of us here on TikTok!!! Especially me!!!!!! But anyway, wanna see some stuff??????? I’ll show you!! All any of us need is an acknowledgment of our existence!!! Small price to pay, right??????????????? 😅

This is just a quick rundown of one of our stranger pastimes. It’s one that I’ve never really gotten much enjoyment from, to be honest! It also reminds me of another game that I got inducted into against my will in middle school called “open chest” which, I know, it sounds like a fun treasure hunting D&D type game, but instead is actually a “game” in which if you are ever standing around without your forearms in an X over your chest, your chest is “open” and someone can punch you in the sternum as hard as they want. And “I’m not playing” is not an option. So for a while I walked around with a big math workbook and my arms in an X over it, since sometimes they would try to get around the X even though that’s not part of the one rule these guys said there was. But good luck trying to stipulate with these kinds of guys! Anyway at a certain point it felt more free to walk around not protecting myself, even though I’d get the occasional punch, because the other option was living in a constant state of fear and self preservation. So I chose to live chest open, and I guess these guys were just trying to hammer home a pretty powerful metaphor about love and life in general??? That must be it. Surely there was a lesson they wanted to teach me about not being so afraid of pain you close yourself off to the world, and not that they were just engaging in some kind of updated version of an ancient domination ritual???? That’s gotta be what they were going for. Message received!!! And also ow dude

Happy happy birthday to the one and only Kathy Bates!! Kathy if you’re reading this, YOU HAVE A TIKTOK????? You secret TikTok account having sly fox!!! The gig is up!! The jig is up? The gig spelled gig but pronounced jig is up??? Gif???? Jif???? The peanut butter or Shauna’s husband??????? So many questions but the main thing is happy birthday to Kathy who changed everything for so many people, I love you, and will write you a more coherent birthday message somewhere you might see it!!

Alternate take because why not?? Are you saying TWO birthday dances is one too many?? Or two too many?? I think two is a perfect number, especially for the appropriate amount of question marks at the end of a sentence, because it creates a certain urgency but it doesn’t feel as desperate for the answer as three question marks feel, do you agree??? Sometimes one question mark doesn’t feel like enough, like it almost seems rhetorical… or maybe not? Anyway here’s a second birthday dance for KB and I decided on the other one for some reason, but I’m posting this one for anyone with a sick and twisted curiosity like mine that cannot read and enjoy a choose-your-own-adventure book without knowing ALL POSSIBLE OUTCOMES so that we can choose the best story and see how or why our personal choices may not have led us there naturally (my problem usually is I make odd choices because I’m rebelling against the choice I *think* they want me to make)

I absolutely love The Beatles and in particular I love when Sir Paul drops into his “other” voice. It only happens a few times in their lexicon which always makes it a fun little Sir Prize. Anyway I love this choice in the song but it really makes my daughter laugh to follow the sentence “I will sing a lullaby-ee” with very loud singing. Obviously I am exaggerating what he actually does in the song because I am trying to make my daughter laugh CAN YOU BLAME ME???? But if you listen to Golden Slumbers you can hear this beautiful person’s voice kick into fourth gear and it’s awesome. The Beatles were huge in our family growing up, and it’s really lovely to share some of these songs with my daughter. When I was scared at night as a little one my dad would walk around the dark with me singing “Beautiful Boy” with me and show me there was nothing to be afraid of, and I did the same thing with my daughter. These things that we pass down are so special! They’re like little connections between people who didn’t ever get to inhabit the planet at the same time! Grief is so weird because at first all you want to do is reverse time, and it is absolutely BONKERS and kind of human and beautiful how much time we spend hoping that maybe some one will break the rules of time/space just this once, just for you and whoever you’re missing. But then as life continues new people come into your world, and all of a sudden your impossible desire to go backwards is marred by the notion that in any time period before this one, you wouldn’t know this new person or people that has/have changed you so, and that seems equally unimaginable!! So hopefully you can trade some of that halted joy of the past to something that brings you happiness now, or in the future! Ooooops I didn’t mean to get philosophical but The Beatles put me in a weird nostalgic place and guys I’m just trying to take a sad song and make it better, and not be a fool who plays it cool by making the world a little colder, you know??? Someone should put THAT in a song

I know I did this trend backwards but it reminded me of those “As a father of a daughter” guys. Any way you get there I guess, and welcome!! …but there wasn’t one person in your life you interacted with before this that made you wonder if they were just like you??? Curiouser and curiouser!

You’ve arrived at Flinchtok! The algorithm brought you here for a reason, which means it knows that at some point in your life, you were teased for engaging in the timeless human practice of instinctually avoiding unnecessary pain! But guess what? You’re safe here! We’re all adults, and we now know through science that making someone flinch and then mocking them for it is a child’s game! It’s for kids who need to assert dominance but have little else to offer besides the perceived threat of violence and then enjoy making fun of those who don’t know that you are expected not to flinch for some abstract reason. Well, I say flinch away! They can win their little game for now, and then years later when you are at the park and your peripheral vision catches a stray frisbee coming at you, your body will move out of harm’s way in SUCH a cool fashion that everyone at the park will stand up and begin cheering. Whereas, in the exact same circumstance, Mr YouFlinched Guy’s brain gets the same warning signal, but has trained his body to ignore it and stay still and coolguy at all costs and guess what? Bonked by a frisbee, every time. You may be incredibly surprised to learn that I’ve been a flincher my whole life, and I do think it helped that one time in NY when I was crossing the street at night and I got hit by a car. I saw it coming and at the last second my flinchstincts told me to jump onto the hood of the car, and I walked away shaken and bruised but fine! Anyway, you never know how your flinchstincts can come into play. Hone them, don’t ignore them! Oh one more thing: 👊 Did you flinch? Good. I’m proud of you.

*DRAFT POST* this was my first attempt a couple weeks ago at a video I just posted before I realized it would probably be easier to just play the music live. Usually I dance to the music TikTok is providing, but since I wanted to talk at the beginning I couldn’t do that. But it is VERY DIFFICULT to do a weird dance and then try to find a song that has the right rhythm and feeling! So I was left with just a weird dance to no music and the bad audio of the beginning. I gave it another shot the other day with my updates, but I still kind of enjoy this very odd breathy dance, just as a reminder to dance like nobody’s watching or playing any music and also to wear weird socks, (why not? Most people you pass won’t know your terrible secret) I didn’t mean to fall at the end, which is why that didn’t make it into the Final Cut. By the way, TikTok capitalized Final Cut. I do not take my TikToks THAT seriously. But anyway my team decided in the final edit at the sound mixing stage that we were aiming for something timeless and profound, and collectively we all came to the conclusion that flopping around in a Donkey Kong hoodie was the the only way forward. The breathing hard element tested poorly in early screenings, but ultimately we ended up keeping them in because it helps to distract from the extensive CGI we had to do for the moustache tracking, since I am unable to have a moustache due to copyright infringement issues that I am not able to discuss further, so PLEASE STOP ASKING. Anyway, please enjoy, literally over 200 people came together to make this TikTok, and I won’t name them all now, but that’s mainly because I’m under contract to maintain the illusion that my account is just created by me being a solitary weirdo in different corners of my home, sneaking out strange videos under the cover of normalcy. Because HOW EMBARRASSING if these moves had not been intricately choreographed by a team of experts???

Life comes at you fast!!!! Lololololololol also I promise I was driving safe

Uhhhhhh how did I not notice this on my OWN VIDEO??? Bill Cipher hovering outside in the middle of the night?? I put an arrow sticker so you don’t miss it like I did. Also I added captions and some of that was definitely not my voice! In the immortal words of number 7, “That’s not me, guys, that’s not me!!” I can’t believe it’s been a year since this all happened… the website that wasn’t a website, technical issues with Soos, someone posting a bunch of stuff on my twitter as me, me being normal the whole time and some weirdo being around that I can blame all the weirdo stuff on, and then finally getting that treasure trove of #gravityfalls stuff when the website went online??? And again, me being a normal person the whole time, and not being possessed at all even once???? And my pupils being round like normal as always and me not having to photoshop them at all to look like normal human eyes?????? So genuinely unsettling. Also, please ignore the tape on the back of my hat, I’ve had it for a long time and I will try to make it last as long as I can! Thank you #onthisday program for reminding me of this TERRIFYING day